This Is What It Feels Like
by LesbianAtWork
Summary: Two weeks after his death. Rachel turns on her diva mood, and everyone worries she'll ruin her life by holding back. But will someone knew help her through her hard times? Or will he be the one to fix her broken heart?


**This Is What It Feels Like **

**A Rachel Berry Story **

**Author's Note: Here is my new story for you all! :) Hope you enjoy it! :) **

**Chapter Name: New Beginings With A Chance of New Feelings**

**Pairings and Characaters: Rachel/OC, Santana/Dani (Demi Lovato) Puck/Quinn, Marley/Jake, Kitty/Sam, Kurt/Blaine, Brody/OC, Cassandra July, Shelby Corcaron, Leroy Berry, Hunter Clarington and Sebastion Smythe **

**New Characters: Emily Bradshaw (Selena Gomez) Zander Jacobs (Zac Efron) & Collin Larsen (Taylor Lautner) **

**Summary: Two weeks after his death. Rachel turns on her diva mood, and everyone worries she'll ruin her life by holding back. But will someone knew help her through her hard times? Or will he be the one to fix her broken heart? **

**Rated: PG-13 and R **

**Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING BUT THE MADE UP STORIES AND THE MADE UP CHARATERS! **

**...**

_He was my person. My forever. He was the love of my life. _

Rachel never thought that this would happen. The love of her life was gone. She doesn't know why or how it happened. No one would tell her. Honestly. She doesn't really wanna know because if she does... She'll just break down and cry even more. And right now, she doesn't even have the strength to do that.

She remembers the first moment she had with Finn. It was their freshman year and Rachel was walking to her class when it had happened.

_Flashback_

_A young fifteen year old Rachel Barbra Berry was walking down the halls when she felt it. A red, wet and sticky touch feeling. She didn't want to open her eyes, because if she did, the stuff that was thrown at her would get in her eyes. And she didn't want her eyes burning from it. So she wipped off her eyes, and finally open them. Seeing everyone laugh at her because what she assumed it to be was slushy. Which infact was slushy. She felt tears falling down her face, and couldn't help but cry in the middle of the hallway._

_"Rachel, oh my god are you okay?" She shook her head no._

_Her best friend Santana Lopez, came and walked up beside her, took her hand and walked straight to the bathroom to help her get cleaned up. _

_"Rae what happened?" Her Latina friend asked._

_"I was slushied." The tiny diva said. _

_"Who did this to you?" Santana asked while still helping Rachel clean up the mess. _

_Rachel shrugged. "I don't know. It was probably Azimo or Karafsky." _

_The Latina got angry. "I'm gonna kill them."_

_Rachel shook her head. "Don't. They'll just do it again." She mumbled._

_But before Santana could protest the girl, their was a knock on the bathroom door. Both girls looked at each other, Rachel shrugged her shoulders and kept cleaning herself up. Wondering who it was, Santana unlocked the door and saw, standing their looking down at her was one Finn Hudson, the Football quarterback._

_Santana couldn't help but glare at the tall boy. "What the hell do you want Gigantor?" _

_"Santana. Is she okay?" He asked. _

_She pulled him in and closed the door behind him. "Does it fucking look like she's okay frankenteen. She was just slushied you ass wipe." _

_Finn looked down and then right back at Rachel. "Are you okay Rachel?" _

_Rachel nodded her head and smiled. "I am thank you." _

_Finn smiled shyly. "Good. I um. I hope your day goes better." He said to her and than walked out of the bathroom. _

_Right than and their. Rachel knew that Finn Hudson was going to be her one and only. And nothing was going to get in the way of that ever coming true._

_End of Flashback_

Rachel looked at the picture frame on her dresser. It was of her and Finn when they were in Chicago for Nationals. She smiled at the frame and held it close to her heart. She couldn't help but cry. She curled up into a ball, picture still in her arms, and finally in about two weeks... She feel asleep.

**...**

_Four Months Later_

"Alright class lets get started."

Rachel was back at NYADA and ready to graduate. She couldn't help but smile at the dancers. It had been a hell of a year she had had.

"Rachel. Could you come here please."

She sighed. She know's she needs this class to graduate. But she hoped and prayed that she'd get a better teacher. But unffortanetly. She liked Ms. July. She had gotten nicer over the past year and a half that's she's known her. And Rachel was glad that the two were actually good friends.

"Yes Ms. July."

"Rachel. I have a new dance partner for you. Is that okay?" She asked the div.

"Uh, yeah. But one question... Where's Brody?"

Cassandra raised an eye brow and smiled. "He's on vacation for the next three weeks. So I am giving you a new partner till he comes back."

Rachel nodded in understandment. Her and Brody were on good terms now. They knew dating would be weird even though the two did love each other. They just, wanted to move on because they were both still in love with other people. And after what happened to them. They had decided to move on on focus on the future. And that was to become even more good friends.

"Can I ask who my partner may be?" The small diva asked.

"ZANDER! Front and center." The teacher yelled.

Rachel couldn't help but freeze in her place. She looked over her shoulder and was speechless. She couldn't believe it. Zander Jacobs. The was the most talented person she had ever met in her life. Sure she had a crush on him. But she never told anyone.

"Zander. You probably already know Rachel Berry."

He nodded. "Sure do. We're in drama together." He said with a smile. "You. Are very talented Ms. Rachel Berry."

She couldn't help but blush. "Thank you. Your pretty talented yourself Mr. Jacobs."

He couldn't help but bow. "Why thank you." He said as he came back up and giggled. "And I can't wait to see you on that stage Ms. Fanny Brice." He said playfully.

"Well if I do say so myself, I am a pretty good Fanny Brice." She said in her Fanny Brice accent.

"Alright you two. Enough with the flirting." Ms. July said as she walked up to the couple smiling.

Rachel's eyes went wide when she was told to stop flirting. "I. I was flirting." She said.

"Sure you didn't Rachel." Cassandra said.

Rachel smiled at the name. She had gotten Cassie to call her Rachel instead of Schwimmer. Said it would make a better friendship than it would enemies.

"Alright. One, Two, Three, Four"

**...**

"Yes dad.. Of course I'll be there... No, do not set me up... Because you know why! Dad. I'm just not ready. Maybe I'll bring someone... Alright alright. Look I gotta go. Okay. Love you too... Alright bye."

Rachel sighed. She misses her dads. It's been four months since she's last seen them. And that was Finn's funeral... She missed him so much. But maybe it is time for her to move on. I mean, she won't stop loving Finn, she just thinks she needs to find someone who understands her like Finn did. Maybe she'll find it years or months from now... But right now, all she needs to do is focus on Funny Girl.

She was putting the last of her things into her bag, when someone tapped on her shoulder. Looking up she couldn't help but smile. "Hey Zander."

He smiled. "Hey Rach. You heading out?" He asked.

She nodded. "Yeah. I gotta get home and do some homework before I go out with my friends tonight." She replied back to him.

"Cool. Were you guys going?" He asked nicely.

She smiled. "Um, some new bar they built on 9th."

"Oh. I think that's a gay bar isn't it?" He asked with a confused face.

She nodded. "Yeah. I'm being forced to go. Kurt insisted I go. And my other roommate Santana wanted to go. Plus Kurt's bringing his boyfriend and Santana's bringing Dani."

He smiled. "I didn't know Dani had a girlfriend?"

She looked at him confused. "How do you know Dani?"

He smiled. "Dani is my step sister." He said.

Rachel's eyes went wide. "Seriously?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Her mom married my dad." He shrugged. "When my dad found her kissing another girl in the basement, hell was rising from the grounds." He said in a serious playful tone. "And Dani told me goodbye, she had her guitar in hand and left. We still keep in touch. But, she said she was busy working so."

"Oh wow.. I'm so sorry.. I had no idea."

He shrugged. "It's cool. As long as shes happy than I'm good." He said with a smile.

She smiled. "She is. I promise."

He smiled back. "Good... So um can I walk you home?"

Rachel couldn't help but smile. "Sure. I'd like that."

**...**

_Three Days Later _

_Flashback_

_"Wanna hear something funny?" Zander asked the tiny diva._

_"Okay." She said with a smile. _

_"When I was eleven. My mom decided to put me into tap dance classes. So when I first arrived, I saw all the girls in there little dancing outfits, and when they all saw me, they laughed. Now they weren't laughing because I was the only boy in there. They were laughing because I was the only boy wearing, a toto." _

_And just like that, Rachel bursted out laughing. "Oh my god. You were the only boy in the class with a toto." _

_He nodded. "Yeah yeah just keep laughing." _

_She held her mouth and tried not to laugh. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She said._

_"So tell me something embarrassing about yourself."_

_End of Flashback_

Rachel couldn't help but smile at the memory. She was folding some laundry when the door was knocked on. She looked at the time and groaned. It was midnight, she was home by herself, Kurt and Blaine went back to Lima to visit Burt and Carole. And Santana was at Dani's for the whole weekend. She was glad to have the house to herself. It'll give her time to think some things through.

She opened the door and couldn't help but smile. "Zander! What are you doing here?"

He shrugged. "Thought you could use some company. I hope that's okay?" He asked with a smile.

She nodded. "Yeah. Come in."

About an hour later the two were a little tipsy.

"Zander can I ask you a question?"

He looked at her and smiled. "Sure."

"Do you have feelings for someone in our dance class?" She asked.

He nodded with a smile. "I do." He said.

"Who?" She asked.

He smiled. "You."

She blushed. "Oh."

He smiled at her and started to lean in. Rachel leaned in half way more and their lips touched. After another few seconds, Rachel finally pulled away.

"I'm.. I'm sorry.. I just.. I can't I'm sorry."

"Hey hey. It's okay. I'm sorry." he said to her.

"I um, I think you should go." She said. Trying not to hurt his feelings.

"Yeah. Okay. I'll um.. I'll see you in class I guess." He got up and walked to the door. He turned back to her and sighed. "You know. If you ever need someone to talk to... I'll be there." He walked out and shut the door.

Rachel couldn't help but cry. She had just kissed a really good guy and she just blew her chances to be with the nicest guy she has ever met. And now she doesn't know how to make it up to him.

**...**

**Author's Note: So what did you guys think? Was it good or not good? Let me know what you think :) **


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